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Saturday, September 12, 2009 at 9:12PM I had an embarrassing encounter of the intimate kind at the garden today --with a zucchini squash.
Ah-hem.
Let me introduce you to King Kong.
I've been complaining about my two impotent squash plants all summer. Together, they produced just one.... ONE! ... small fruit. Looks like somehow this guy got into the Viagra.
"Oh my God!" I screamed when I saw this thing, this REALLY BIG THING, lurking beneath the green vines of my garden. I felt a little bashful actually. Like I'd stumbled upon an open copy of Playgirl or witnessed a wardrobe malfunction at a Chippendales show.
Then I found a second one. And it's nearly as big.
I walked back to the car from my garden plot laughing. And blushing a bit.
Kent couldn't move beyond "Wow" when he laid eyes upon it.
It is a creature to behold, to be sure. You can't help but make jokes.
"Is that a squash in your pants or are you just excited to see me?"
Bad jokes. I know. We're still 14 years old here.
Kent cracked me up with imitations of the old ladies from the garden plot happening upon my bounty.
"Oh my!" he said, putting his his hand to his heart.
"Heavens!"
"Tut. Tut."
Garden porn. Who knew?
Reader Comments (2)
I had several squash this summer this size!
I had several squash this summer that were that size or bigger!