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Monday
Nov222010

Mouth breather

Remember when you were in high school and the worst fate you could imagine for your future was that one day you would become your parents? 

I discovered a worse destiny. 

Kent has not breathed out of his nose in 30 years. His childhood asthma and chronic allergies dissipated but his sinuses never cleared  - or maybe he just never learned to breathe through his nose. But ever since I met him, he's been a mouth breather. I'm fully aware that for many of you that's an instant disqualification for dating - and it probably was for me too - but love always trumps deal breakers.

(I'm also aware that mouth breather is an insult lobbed at folks who are thick like molasses. I won't go there.)

So, while I fell inexplicably in love with the man, his mouth breathing annoyed me then and 15 years later it annoys me more. I punch him in his sleep, smother his head with pillows and decamp to other parts of the house when it becomes too obnoxious. 

Which brings me to last night when I struggled to sleep with a sinus infection that's lasted two and a half years. One nostril completely blocked. The other very nearly. My only recourse: open my mouth wide like the Mississippi and breathe. That audible rasp that's disrupted my sleep for more than a decade and drives me insane? It was coming from me this time. 

"My God, I've become my husband!" I thought.

It's kind of like someone saying you look like your dog. 

Happy Monday! 

Reader Comments (2)

I hate when my sinuses are acting up or I have a cold and am forced to breath through my mouth. The worst is trying to figure out how to chew your food well all while continuing to breathe. Seems i end up gasping for air each time.

November 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPaula

There is no 2 1/2 year sinus infection, there is only the downward slide to becoming "one of them" -- the mouthbreather fraternity/sorority. Night of the noisy dead (asleep).

November 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTom M

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