A Lenten Spoof
Thursday, February 18, 2010 at 4:52PM I spent Ash Wednesday, the start of the holy season of Lent, nursing two children back to health after a wicked virus turned their bellies inside out and caused them to decorate the house with vomit and diarrhea.
In other words, I didn't make it to church to get my forehead smeared with ashes.
It seems I also neglected to settle on a Lenten sacrifice - some vice or bad habit that many Christians vow to forgo for 40 days as they prepare for the annual celebration of Easter.
Last year, one of our parish priests abstained from cookies. A neighbor gave up wine. Some people vow to turn off the television, volunteer more, refrain from Facebook, treat their spouses better, shout at their children less often, pray the rosary every day.
Noble efforts, all.
This afternoon, as I readied the youngest three for nap, I noticed a rancid cloud of grossness hanging over Tobias. A diarrhea bomb exploded in his diaper and the detritus ran up his back and down his legs. It destroyed his onesie and pants and my olfactory senses. Such as they were after changing thousands of diapers over the past five and a half year.
I undressed him ever so carefully in the tub and gave him a quick scrub.
At the same time, I ordered Desmond and Josephine to their Bjorn potties for the pre-nap potty break. Sadly, this is largely an exercise in futility as every day they opt to deposit their daily poo not in the potty but in their pull ups 15 minutes after I place them in their crib.
I cajole. I curse. I've tried to tie a cherished reward - the move to big kid beds - to the successful, consistent use of the potty. But nothing works. They still crap in their pull ups.
And so it was on this day, as I changed Desmond's mess, that I settled on my Lenten sacrifice. After much prayer and earnest conversation with God, I've decided to give up changing shitty diapers.
It's going to be a terrible hardship, I know. [Wink. Wink.] A real test of my faith. [Nudge. Nudge.]
But I promise, I shall persevere.
Reader Comments (1)
I laughed my pants off with this post! How's it working out?? You have to keep your fans posted on this "faithful" leap!