Some days suck
Tuesday, July 27, 2010 at 6:52PM It sounds like a colossal lie or absurdity squared but I can't bear to hear my children say, "I love you my lovely, lovely Mommy."
Or, "You're the best Mommy in the whole wide world."
It doesn't warm my heart, it breaks it to pieces because it means I've been a piss-poor, impatient, angry mother who likely spent the morning or afternoon or evening - OR THE WHOLE DAMN DAY! - yelling at innocents for no reason.
No reason at all other than I'm worn out, sleep deprived, dog-tired exhausted.
I wonder if in the moments before death takes me and my life flashes before my eyes, I'll see Desmond as he was tonight - looking up from his chair at the dining room table, honey and yogurt smeared across his elfin face with a nervous, almost pleading smile as he told me:
"I love you my lovely, lovely Mommy."
Reader Comments (8)
Oh Dana! That brings tears to my eyes!
But be reassured by the fact that they care
that you are upset and try their best to reassure
you as best they know how; you're doing something right!
I've always thought it meant they were terrified of my mood but, who knows, maybe you're right. I love thinking of it that way, in fact, that they're trying to "reassure" me the best way they know how. I'm going to take a moment the next time they say it and give them an extra hard squeeze. Thank you!
This made me all teary eyed too. I know EXACTLY (can you say that word slowly in your head for dramatic effect - that's how I meant it) how you feel. I like what Rachel said too. I had a long talk w/ a friend a few weeks ago about this very thing, and we came to the conclusion that while we all have our dark days, in the end we are doing something right. We have happy, respectful, compasionate, funny children - even if they only save the good stuff for everyone else! ;-)
Wow! I am so glad to have found your blog. I'm hooked.
I can totally relate to you. My oldest tells me he loves me so often that I think he must not be feeling loved. Every night he yells out down the hall as I rush away to some quiet time by myself..."your the best mommy in the whole world". Then I feel guilty. Why can't we just believe that they really mean it? It makes me sad.
Yes, Dana, remember those moments because as they get older you will hear it less. John and I were talking the other day about how Mickey would come to our bedside every night and tell us how much he loved us until he was about 12, after that, it was not cool anymore. He still loves us, he just does not say it as often.
Remember, little as they are, you are special to them.
Oh, I hate those days:(
I'm sure you were just a fraction of the crazed-mommy-lady you thought you were.
Ahem. I may have even been WORSE then I let on, but thanks for thinking otherwise.