When did it become customary to attach bags of candy and knickknacks to Valentines?
I'm not talking about a single red lollipop or a small bag of candy hearts.
I'm talkin' assorted princess pencils, butterfly erasers, neon-colored lollipop rings, dinosaur stickers and Toy Story tattoos ... all in the same bag or, more lavishly, a heart-themed plastic cup?
I sent my kids to school with red construction paper hearts that they traced and cut out themselves, then scrawled their names on in varying degrees of illegibility. And even that took three days of crafting that very nearly saw me stab my eyes out with scissors.
Our dining room table looks like a Halloween trick-or-treat bag exploded and rained down sugar missiles. You know the scene in Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy throws a bucket of water on the Wicked Witch and the witch melts in a shrieking, hissing, terrifying mess? That's precisely what candy does to my kids.
After just one piece.
So, if you know who's responsible for hijacking Valentine's Day and transforming it into a mini-Halloween, do share. I've got a candy heart for them with a simple message: F U